skeptism.

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.

Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.

Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?

Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?

- Epicurus

God.

God here. I thought I would take the time to personally explain my absence in the Aurora shootings. While I was at it, I thought I would also explain my absence during every murder, massacre and crime that has ever taken place in World history, and in every war, in every famine, drought and flood.

You see, I do not exist. I never have. Did it really make sense to you that I would create an entire Universe with billions of billions of planets and wait about 13,700,000,000 years just so I could focus on a few Jews from Palestine about 2,000 years ago while ignoring the rest of the 200,000,000 people on the planet at the time? Did I make those few Jews or did those few Jews make me?

Further, do you really think I would sit back and do nothing while Nazis killed 6 million of my “chosen people,” but find it important enough to intervene and turn water into wine to stop some hosts being embarrassed at a wedding in Cana? Why did I seem to be so active in the Middle East for a brief period about 2,000 years ago, but totally absent everywhere else on the planet and for the rest of recorded history? Did I make the Jews or did the Jews make me?

So, you really think my periodic miracles prove my existence hey? Then why not something inarguable and unambiguous, like a huge crucifix in the sky, or my face on the moon? Why is it always that believers have to construct my miracles out of perfectly explicable natural events?

This happens every time there is a tragedy or near tragedy of any kind, anywhere in the world and in all cultures. Captain "Sully" Sullenberger pilots a distressed plane to land safely on the Hudson River in New York City with no deaths, and it's a miracle from God; a young girl is found in India, totally terrorized, but alive after being abducted and raped for a week, and it’s a miracle from my competitor Rama (or Vishnu or Shiva) that she is returned to her parents; or a family in Northern Pakistan survives an errant American missile attack, and it’s a miracle from Allah.

What all these self-serving proclamations of miraculous intervention always ignore is the downside of the incidents. The fact that the passengers and crew of Flight 1549 were terrorized and the plane destroyed, that 11 innocent people are dead in Aurora, that the girl was held for seven days, raped and sodomized and will be traumatized for the rest of her life, or that a number of innocent civilians were killed by the missile.

Of course, none of these incidents really are "miracles.” When the totality of facts are taken into account, "miracles" turn out to be nothing more than believers who are desperate for some sign of my existence ignoring the downside of a set of facts, focusing solely on the upside and calling the quarantined "good" a miracle from me or one of the other sky-fairies. A CEO might as well ignore the liability side of his balance sheet and declare it a “miracle” that his company just doubled in value.

Another annoying habit my “miracles” seem to have is that they always seem to tag along, just behind medical science, like an annoying kid brother who won’t go away. Until the mid nineties, those with AIDS who prayed for a miracle were never granted one. Medical science finds a way to permanently suppress the disease, and all of a sudden I start to perform miracles with AIDS patients. No polio patient ever received a miracle until the Salk vaccine and I routinely ignored cancer patients until chemotherapy and radiation treatments were developed. Suddenly, prayers to me from cancer patients are regularly “answered.”

Why is it that I still seem deaf to the pleadings of amputees who would like their fingers, arms or legs back, to those who have physically lost eyes or ears, to the horribly burned and to all others who ail from patently visible and currently incurable maladies? Why is it that, at the very same time, I am very receptive to the prayers of those whose condition is uncertain, internal and vulnerable to miraculous claims?

Take five minutes to make two lists; one of those ailments I will miraculously cure and the other of those I will not. You will quickly find it coincides perfectly with those conditions medical science (or the human body itself) can defeat and those we cannot. Why do you think that is? It is almost as my miracles are created out of medical ambiguity isn’t it?

No, my human friends. I am afraid I do not exist. I do not read your minds (or “hear your prayers” as you like to call it) and you are not going to achieve immortality (or “eternal life” as you like to call it) no matter how many commandments from Iron Age Palestine you choose to “keep”. Move on and enjoy the few years you have. You were all dead for the last 13,700,000,000 years and it wasn’t that least bit uncomfortable now, was it?

God

missing.

in kl at the moment and you know what i miss? my salsa kakis. although 90% of my kakis are girls, i connect with them.

friendship bonded through dancing, classes, makan-makan, movies, outings and church.

reflections

so july the 11th (tomorrow!), i'll be 30. yeaps. the big three-oh. halfway to sixty as i like to call it.

reflection time. what have i achieved in the past 30 years?
. graduated college and uni with good grades (proving that spm results don't matter much)
. got a job in the oil and gas company i interned at
. transferred from kl to kk (heaven in earth)
. got married to a girl i've dated for 8 years in 2011.
. had a beautiful baby boy, jared. you know you've reached a certain stage in life once you've tried bathing your own kid (making sure he doesn't drown) and clipping his fingernails (making sure you dont clip his fingers off). seeing jared every morning and night just makes everything worth it.
. sold off my condo in kl with a cool profit.
. bought a toyota in kl and sold it in kk with a profit.
. bought a land in inobong.
. got an apartment in kobusak.
. bought a terrace in kibabaig.
. bought a honda (albeit used).
. travelled places (furthest being egypt)
. LEARNED TO SWIM (and loving it)
. LEARNED TO DANCE, salsa specifically (and loving it)
. got my offshore safety passport
. flew on a helicopter to samarang
. finally getting a holiday for mom and dad overseas.

will list down more once i remember deets. in any case, i'm kind of content. not that being content with life is a good thing (having realistic life goals is important), but it's okay. work is okay.
family is lovely. can't say i hate the life now (although i can use a bit of more me time :)).

just have to say that there's aaalways a way for everything. just have to work harder and find ways. there's connections, family, friends.

and thanks to reddit for making my life more 'useful' in this past 2 years.

here's to another PROSPEROUS, FULFILLING, HAPPY, STRESS-FREE 30 more years to come!

fam.

okay. gotta admit i may sound hypocritical but family can help you best.

(especially now with the baby).

jared isaac lagang

two days ago (27 march 2012 @ 11.18am), my baby was born at SMC, kk. such an unbelievable moment when he came out. waves of emotions. and i cried.

wife's doing great despite the c-section. still as lovely and chirpy as the morning sun.

now 'WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!'

towels.

“Right now, it is raining methane on Titan. The planet Uranus, apparently trying to live up to its name, is orbiting the sun sideways, while Venus spins backwards. There are stars exploding, black holes gorging, galaxies colliding.
And here we sit, on a planet pock-marked by collisions, rocked by earthquakes, shaken by storms. A planet doomed to be fried in radiation as it’s magnetic fields collapse, until finally the sun grows into a red giant and leaves nothing of the Earth but dust.
Here we sit, glasses on our noses, inhalers in our pockets, braces on our teeth, waiting to die as our heart muscle expires, our cells decide to grow forever, or a blood vessel just pops, and sometimes in unnatural ways, too.
Here we sit, and some of us say, behold, look at the order of it all.“
~ Raj Bains

memories.

so i was back home cleaning some old stuff and found my treasure box filled with old love letters, photos, gifts and all. brought back laughters, sighs and embarrassments. all more than 10 years worth of memories.

damn blogger can't upload pdf's as i just scanned a couple of oldy but goodies.

like this letter i got from kirsten dunst and an autographed picture :p

will post more once i've properly converted the pdf's to jpg's.

surfing dreams, living life.

what's up. blogging from my phone at work.

life's awesome. wife perfect. baby on the way. christmas in 16 days. next month will be a brand new year.

staying in a new place now. selling off my kl property. bought a land. planning to get a landed property in penampang once kl condo sold.

and did i say a baby's coming? jyeahhh boyhhh. excited and scared at the same time.

started investing in stocks and futures damn tough. won okay in the first week. with greece, italy, ireland and spain in debt, market dived down today. held last nite and paying the price now. not worried much. learned a lot from this mistake.

anyways, it's a baby boy!

love life peeps :)

merry christmas and a happy happy new year!

Friends vs Family

So like I am getting married next Saturday.

I am super stressed out. Especially in terms of financial matters. I have so much to pay off, with the new apartment, renovation, study loans et cetera.

So last Wednesday, stress was so bad I did something I wouldn't usually do. I asked to borrow money.

I first called my mom, negative. I think nowadays she'd rather be spending money on making other people happy ie. her sisters and their children. I was sad but I know I can't do much. Told her I'd find some other sources. She just kept quiet. Not even offering other options. Yes, that's my mom.

Texted 3 close cousins. Told them I'd pay them back as soon as the wedding's over. BTW, these are close cousins who I have personally helped a lot, financially and effortlessly. They all said they cannot. Didn't even try to squeeze a couple of hundred of bucks. Well, maybe one did.

Finally, I texted a high-school friend. We do not meet that often but as soon as he got my text, his immediate reply was "When do you need it? Gimme your bank account number". NO FUCKING QUESTIONS ASKED. He's not rich, mind you. Just had a baby himself. Immediately I broke down and cried. In the office.

I thought of how selfless this friend is and how selfish my own family are.

You see, it's when you're truly in deep shit and you need a hand to pull you out, that's when your family / friends true colours show.

bitches.

So my mom just defended her bitchy sister for being a total bitch towards me.

Note to self: When I have children, I WILL NOT be like my parents.

You're supposed to defend your kid and not go all ape shit on him.

Cannot wait to leave this hellhole filled with hypocrisy. Neck-deep full on bullshit.

BTW, they're drinking now all drunk while telling each other how they're so much better than their cousins. Wow. You fucking drunkards. I'd wish they'd have some liver disease but I ain't that low. One message though, fuck off!

Live A Good Life

"Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones."
— Marcus Aurelius

what's happening in egypt (malaysia?)

My personal belief is that politicians are all corrupt, but marry that with religion and you are asking for trouble.

trust

So apparently my mom doesn't trust me anymore. Fuck that shit. Honestly, I don't blame her. I blame the people around her (read: sisters).

Fucking group of people who think they're better than the rest just because they're in the same 'group'. Fuck you. You think this is high school?

I am losing my faith. I blame you guys.

I have lost my respect for you guys. Call me whatever you want. I honestly do not give a shit about what you think of me, you bunch of lousy ugly and fat hypocrites.

I still believe in karma though. Just you wait karma bites you in the ass. Hard.

I hope you guys can will just leave me alone. I have never directly interfered with your personal life. Why mess with mine? Is it because your lives are so dull you find the joy in badmouthing, pissing, spitting other peoples lives off?

Fuck you and you and you and you.

choose.

I choose to be happy.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/9/28/focus/7111786&sec=focus

 

Tuesday September 28, 2010

True 1Malaysia exists in Sabah

HOW many Malaysians have been to Sabah?

I have been to several cities like Kota Kinabalu, Sandakan, Tawau and several other small towns several times and I always get the same feeling: people there are seriously united.

They communicate with each other in Bahasa Malaysia, with a heavy accent ending with a “bah”.

Even though they are Malays, Chinese, Indians, Kadazans or others, they speak similarly.

To those who have never set foot there, I suggest you plan a holiday there instead of to other countries and I can assure you it will be worthwhile.

Born in Penang, later educated in Kuala Lumpur and working in Johor Baru, I got used to the fact that if I wanted food, I will go to a “Mamak” restaurant, Malay restaurant or any fast food outlet.

Chinese or Indian restaurants won’t cross my mind as the food there is not “halal”.

I could remember the very first time I went to Sabah, it was time for breakfast and my friend, a Sabahan and also a Muslim, brought me to this typical Chinese looking restaurant which we normally see in the peninsula.

Over here, it is obvious that I, as a Muslim, won’t be able to eat the food there because of the “halal” factor.

But to my surprise, the patrons there in that restaurant were mostly Muslims. The food served was normal “nasi lemak”.

I was quite skeptical at first and when I tried to get an assurance from the owner himself, he proudly said: “We Sabahans understand each other well.”

Thinking that the morning scene in the Chinese restaurant was a coincidence, I suggested to have lunch in another Chinese restaurant.

True enough, the scenario was the same: most of the patrons were Muslims.

At night, it was time for a “feel” of the night life in Tawau and we went to a popular “dangdut” outlet.

Again, I was surprised to see many Chinese there.

In Peninsular Malaysia, “dangdut” outlets are normally filled with Malays.

When it comes to food, Sabahans have shown us the true meaning of unity in terms of a simple meal.

Whether it is breakfast, lunch, dinner or even supper, they are united as a people and they eat at a same table.

We sometimes just forget the basics of being a truly united nation.

It is so easy to slur another person, another religion or another race on various websites these days, but is this what we want to do as a responsible citizen?

I feel the way to understand 1Malaysia is by starting to look at how Sabahans live.

HALIM CHEW, 
Kajang.

tired.

i'm tired.

tired of all these lies.

tired of you for not being able to make up your fucking mind.

tired because you keep changing plans.

tired that you think you're perfect.

tired that you treat others better than your own family.

tired of the hypocrisy.

tired of every single thing that comes out of your mouth.

tired of hoping.

tired of praying.

tired of waiting.

open the windows, look outside, smell the air, enjoy the view. open the door, walk outside, touch the grass. see how the outside world works. the world does not revolve around you and your bunch pf psycho 'friends' you know.

i'm just going to lay down everything and whatever happens, happens. so be it. i cannot make everyone happy at the same time.

it's tiring.

something to ponder / fight upon.

Tuesday September 14, 2010

Time to address 47 years of neglect

CERITALAH By KARIM RASLAN
newsdesk@thestar.com.my

It will take more than just granting holidays or constant reassurances of goodwill. Sabah and Sarawak deserve their share of the nation’s wealth and attention. Furthermore, the respective points of the two agreement have to be adhered to.

I WAS born on Aug 2, 1963 in a country called the Federation of Malaya. Six weeks later, on Sept 16, the Federation along with Sabah, Sarawak and Singapore joined to form Malaysia.

A Malayan at birth, I then became a Malaysian.

The date of Sept 16, 1963 marked a significant transition. Indeed, there are a number of crucial differences between “Malaya” and “Malaysia”.

While we often talk about the “social contract”– the unwritten agreement negotiated by our leaders during the Independence era – we should also remember the terms upon which Sabah and Sarawak joined with us to form Malaysia.

Basically, these states (along with Singapore) were persuaded to join Malaysia because of these promises.

Each were allocated specific rights and duties as in the 20- and 18-point agreements that Malaya signed with Sabah and Sarawak respectively.

Sarawak and Sabah theoretically enjoyed greater rights than the existing states of the Federation, like the states of Johor or Pahang.

Moreover, these “points” were not trivial: there was to be no official religion in either state and English was to be Sabah’s official language indefinitely.

Other clauses also promised local control over immigration, finance, education, land and natural resources.

Furthermore, bumiputras in these two states were to enjoy the same special rights as peninsular Malays.

Many East Malaysians therefore thought that they were coming together to form a whole new country. Fast forward to 2010, however, these facts appeared to have been forgotten.

Neither the 20 nor 18 points have been fully honoured, arguably they have been undermined by successive federal leaders.

Indeed, their existence has been relegated to little more than mere historic footnotes.

To make matters worse, we are regularly told that “Malaysia” was born on the Aug 31, 1957.

“Malaysia Day”, as a-matter-of-fact, was only declared a national holiday last year when peninsular Malaysia leaders realised the dangers of ignoring Malaysian sentiment in Sabah and Sarawak.

The sad truth is that the state of our union is imperfect and 47 years after its formation, the ideals of founding Malaysia remain elusive.

Our developmental policies and ideas of nationhood are biased towards the peninsula.

Indeed, many peninsular Malaysians are more familiar with London or Sydney than Kota Kinabalu or Kuching.

In the meantime, the aspirations of our fellow East Malaysians – whether they are bumiputras, or Chinese – have consistently been ignored.

How did this happen?

Many East Malaysians mark the beginning of their problems from the ejection of Singapore as it has weakened their negotiating positions.

Federal leaders were seen as having failed to honour the original spirit of the Malaysia Agreements.

These differences have led to a different sense of Malaysian-ness across the South China Sea.

The stated preference of many East Malaysians for Sept 16 as the “National Day” underlines these differences.

Furthermore, disputes over the rights to natural resources and native customary land, as well as religious disputes and questionable immigration policies have heightened dissatisfaction.

Even the New Economic Model’s (NEM) targets seem impossible for Sabah to achieve.

The Federal Government aims to lift our US$7,700 (RM23,876) per capita annual income to US$15,000 (RM46,512) under NEM, but Sabah’s own figure stands at only US$3,000 (RM9302) per annum.

Furthermore, the two states have also avoided peninsular Malaysia’s ugly racial polarisation.

This lack of progress on core issues has been a source of disappointment as well as frustration for East Malaysians.

Nevertheless, one can detect the winds of change blowing. Up until the 2008 general election,

Barisan Nasional (BN) was content to rule as if Sabah and Sarawak were mere appendages of Putrajaya. But now, BN is dependent on East Malaysian parliamentary seats to retain power.

Once-dubbed as BN’s “fixed deposit”, the Sibu by-election has changed all this.

Sabah and Sarawak are up for grabs and both BN and Pakatan Rakyat need to craft substantive policies for these two critical states.

Indeed, many see the upcoming Sarawak elections as a key indicator for the next polls.

The fate of Chief Minister Tan Sri Taib Mahmud as whether he goes or fights on has become a question of national importance.

If BN wants to maintain its hold on the two states, it has to start redressing the 47 years of neglect and this will take more than just granting holidays or constant reassurances of goodwill.

Sabah and Sarawak deserve their share of the nation’s wealth and attention.

Furthermore, the respective points of the two agreement have to be adhered to.

The resources of these two states must reach the ground directly. The political elites in Sarawak and Sabah have gorged themselves while the people have suffered.

In Malaysia such naked abuse of power and greed will meet with defeat sooner or later.

hari malaysia 16 september.

some interesting posts i found through Star Special - Malaysia Day

Thursday September 16, 2010

Growing up in a land where unity was at its best

By V.P. SUJATA

I GREW up in Kota Kinabalu (KK) when my family moved there from Kuala Lumpur in December 1971. I was three. We came back in 1984 after I completed my SPM examination.

I was always the only Indian girl in my class from Standard One up to Form Five at St Francis’ Convent, KK.

This was not a problem for me as I was not treated differently. There were quite a few Indian teachers at school. Even the principal was an Indian.

I had close friends who were Chinese, Kadazan, Sino-Kadazan and Malay. We still have reunions to this day.

We spoke both English and Bahasa Malaysia. In fact, most of the time it was a mix of both. Tamil was unheard of.

There were probably less than 50 Indian families in KK at that time.

There were no Tamil movies at the cinemas or on television as we had only TV1 then.

I grew up loving P. Ramlee and Nordin Ahmad movies. I still watch reruns now.

Unity was at its best. There was no segregation among races. We were one.

If a student was a favourite, it was because she was clever or good in something. No one referred to another student as “that Melayu, that Cina, that Kadazan or that Indian.”

We referred to Sabah as Malaysia. (I noticed after my return that people in the peninsula referred to Peninsular Malaysia as Malaysia and Sabah as Sabah.)

How can we not consider ourselves Malaysians when we spoke and studied in the national language?

Every Monday, we sang the Negaraku and the state anthem during school assemblies. Our school participated in the Malaysia Day celebration parade at the Town Padang on Sept 16.

My father’s Indian friends in Kota Kinabalu were Mr Nayar, Mr Menon, Mr Vanar, Mr Singh, Mr Gomez, and Mr Mendez, among others. I did not know at the time that there were Malayalees, Telugus, Ceylonese and Punjabis. To me everyone was Indian.

So it was somewhat of a “cultural shock” for me when I returned to Kuala Lumpur and found out that some Indians did not refer to themselves as Indians.

I also started hearing derogatory remarks made against other races, which was totally alien to me.

Over in Sabah, the Malays would join in celebrations without worrying if the food was halal or not, they didn’t even bother to ask. (I did not even know then what halal meant.) They trusted us non-Muslims not to serve them something they are forbidden to eat.

I probably grew up totally ignorant of the reality out there. But it was nice being ignorant.

Ignorant is bliss and would help in forging good race relations and unity in this country. Then we need not struggle so much to make the 1Malaysia concept a reality.

V.P. Sujata is a journalist with The Star

salsa.

kota kinabalu needs to have some cuban flavoured salsa scene! i'm missing my dancing nights in kuala lumpur! losing my boogie woogie.